NFL Dictator Rules with Iron Fist

Let’s see. David Stern wants to be able to dress all of the NBA players like middle class accountants; tennis at Wimbledon is always lily white; Yankees can’t have beards; golfers must always wear long pants and now; Dictator Roger Goodell is following suit by demanding that his NFL players stop making hand gestures and banning doo rags. He has hired gang experts to review past games looking for gang signs! Is this not the Military Police? I can see it now. Peyton Manning directing the no huddle offense, flashing three unapproved signs and being chased down and cuffed by Barney Fife. “Stay calm people!” Again, the NFL stands for the No Fun League. Don’t forget to leave your helmet on at all times, do not celebrate after touchdowns, and most of all, don’t look at an opponent and utter the taunting words “Na! Nana! Na! For all of these violations you will be penalized, punished, persecuted and put on double secret probation. Where has the importance of originality and individualism gone? Take it easy Emperor Goodell! Go to the bunker and take a chill pill!

Where has the Icky Shuffle gone? Where are the Smurfs high five-in’ in the end zone? Where is Joe Horn running up his cell phone bill? Mr. Prime Time used to high step with his hand behind his helmet 15 yards before scoring. Mark Gastineau had the sack dance. I long for a Billy White Shoes celebration. The triplets would all take off their lids to give us a face of excellence. The NFL has a face and it is boring. It is understandable that Goodell wants to stop gangs from being a part of the NFL, but where does the oppression end? Sports are supposed to be fun. Players should celebrate good plays.
What would Roger have done after hearing Dick Butkus and Ray Nitschke taunting a slobber-knockered victim and telling him to “just lay there and bleed?” Roger “Bad”ell would have booted the Hall of Famers from the league for four weeks! Listen Commissioner, stop assuming that your league is invincible. The NFL is America’s pastime now. What happened to baseball? Don’t look behind you Roger, the MMA is gaining.

Millen Blunders Again!

Matt Millen has done it again! He has purged the Lions of its best running back. Kevin Jones was released by Millen in March and became the best free agent running back available, unless you like eating champion Ron Dayne or slacker Shaun Alexander. The Lions brilliant management staff released their best running back since…should I say it…Barry Sanders. Millen never gave Jones the chance to get healthy after a solid rookie season in 2004. In that campaign Jones ran for 1.133 yards on 241 carries. This was a top five total in the NFC. In 2006 Jones rushed for 689 yards with 3.8 yards per carry. This in a pass happy, Mike Martz offense, which threw the ball 71% of the time. Since then the running back from Virginia Tech has been often injured, but always rushed back by the Lion geniuses. He played 53 games with Detroit and got 20 or more carries only 11 times! In his Detroit career he has averaged four yards per carry. He was a great blitz blocker, and pass protector. Last year Jones rushed for 581 yards. The league average for a running back was 318 yards. He had eight touchdowns in a very limited rushing offense. Who is Millen counting on in 2008 for his rushing offense?

Here are the Lions star running backs for 2008. Tatum Bell seems to be the front-runner with his outstanding 2007 season. He rushed for 182 yards on 44 carries in five games. Our next contestant is Aveion Cason. He had a sterling 2007 campaign, rushing for 38 yards on 11 carries in 12 games. Next is the speedster Brian Calhoun who sprinted for 35 yards on seven carries. Lastly, there is the rookie out of the football hot bed that is the University of Central Florida, Kevin Smith. Yes, I know the Black Knights sensation led the nation in rushing, but against who? Powerhouse programs such as UTEP, Marshall, SMU, and Louisiana – Lafayette? We have seen what Millen does with solid rookie running backs named Kevin, haven’t we? I am sure that Millen will boast that Smith will eventually be great, but this comes from the draft expert that passed on Clinton Portis for Kalimba Edwards, Shawne Meriman for Mike Williams, Dwight Freeney for Joey “Blue Skies” Harrington, Brian Westbrook for Andre Goodman, and Bob Sanders for Teddy Lehman!

Kevin Jones worked out for four teams on June 28. The Bears and the Steelers were “amazed” by his quickness and cutting ability. Both teams wanted Jones, and he signed with the division rival Chicago Bears this week. I believe this will be looked back on as the biggest bargain of the free agent signing season. This is another Millen blunder of epic proportion. 1957 seems only 51 years ago. Help!!!

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