The Birds and The Bees
The cool evening air caressed our cheeks and the smell of the motor from the dirt bike danced about the atmosphere. The voices of the cars on the highway seemed to sing to us as the tires cart-wheeled their way across the pavement. Her hair tickled my face as we were sitting so close to one another on that hill, watching as the sun signaled to the world that his performance was over for the day. The sky lit up in the most vibrant display of colors as the clouds dabbed across its fields, disappearing into the distance.
I looked at her as her head was tilted up towards heaven and a smile crept upon her lips. The breeze played in her long golden hair as it tickled at my nose, asking me if I’d like to join along. My palm lay upon her hand as the blades of grass gripped onto our fingers, as if pulling like a child onto his father’s arm gently crying out, “Look at me, look at me.” The ground was warm and welcoming and we were the only audience for the chorus of crickets that had begun its first act deep inside of the forest that crowded behind us.
Her delicate eyes slowly shut themselves as I resisted the agonizing urge for my lips to hug hers. My childish feelings let my shyness take control of me as I simply watched. I knew she was setting me up for this opportunity. She always did this when we were alone and I would always back out of the occasion. I could feel it coming, she was going to speak. She was going to ask that repeated question.
“You ever kiss anyone before?” Her voice is so precious to me. Each syllable was like an invaluable piece of treasure I wish that I could place into a Sno-Globe so I could watch it ballet on forever.
After coming out of a slight trance I replied, “Me? Well, no. Except my mom and my grandma, but I don’t think that counts.”
“No that doesn’t count, unless you liked it and slipped them the tongue,” she chuckled while taking her attention away from heaven and focusing it on me. She always knew how to put a knife in the back of a perfect moment and twist it enough, not to kill it, but to wound it, leaving it a semi-perfect moment. Why couldn’t she just keep quiet and wait forever for me to debate about kissing her?
“Well I guess it only counts for one person,” I joked, “because I love kissing my toothless grandma. It’s like sticking your tongue into a pile of cold mashed potatoes.”
“Eww, that’s gross.” I too could add to the knife, killing off that perfect moment, but Devon always had a way of stopping the bleeding and giving it CPR. Everything about our atmosphere seemed to regroup as the sun continued to take its bow.
“I’ve never kissed anyone.” Her shy smile tickled my soul as she tucked her body into my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and she smelled just like the country. She looked up at me and placed her arms around my head as we sat there staring at one another.
It seemed like forever as the crickets sang louder. Their sounds began to grow into a chant that went with the rhythm of my thudding heart saying, “kiss her…kiss her,” as the chant grew faster and faster until my scared antics spontaneously changed the subject.
I quickly blurted out the first thing that came to my mind. “Aww, is it Sunday today? We have school tomorrow.” The tension disappeared as if it were never there in the first placed.
A look of disappointment masked her face as she pushed herself away from me. “You’re scared aren’t you?”
“What?” I knew exactly what she was talking about.
“You’re scared to kiss me.”
“What? No, I’m not scared.” The obvious raised eyebrows and shifty eyes only gave away the fact that I was a horrible liar.
“Then why won’t you do it?” She stood up looking at me as if she were ready to punch me in the mouth.
“Because I don’t want to is all.” I stood up too, fearing that she might, in fact, just punch me in the mouth. At least if I were in a standing position I’d have a chance to run away from her.
“I don’t believe you. You’re a sophomore in high school, a fully grown man, and you’re too afraid to kiss me, a freshman girl. Do you know what you are Logan?”
I turned away walking back towards my dirt bike, “No Devon, what am I?”
“You’re nothing more than a…” She quickly searched for the words for the that were just right for the occasion, “a little bitch.”
My pride was instantly bruised, I mean, did she really just call me a bitch? An awkward, confused look leaped onto my face and it felt like she sucker punched my pride. Me, a bitch? I’ve never been called that before and I didn’t know how to react, I mean, I’ve heard a man call a woman bitch, but for a girl to call a guy a bitch…isn’t there some unwritten rule about that, like a ‘no calling a guy a bitch’ rule?
Surprised by her name calling I asked, “What did you just call me?” As if I really wanted to hear it again. I turned around to approach her, determined to prove to her and myself that I was not a bitch.
She backed away laughing, “I called you a sissy little bit-“ I tackled her with my lips and mowed her over as we lay in the tall grass. She wrapped her arms around my head again. We kissed and everything grew quiet. My heart thumped so hard I could feel it vibrating the ground around us and my mind ran a million miles per second as it constantly nagged me, “what do we do with our hands? Do something with your hands stupid!”
It was the world’s sweetest and most innocent kiss and it only helped to reinforce my already deep feelings for her. Once again she resuscitated a perfect moment. Once our lips had broken free we just looked at each other. “That was nice,” she whispered as she stroked my hair, “it was beautiful and perfect and everything else wonderful that I can’t think of right now.”
I was lost for words as I calmly stared upon her. On the outside I felt like a cool collected Rico Suave, but on the inside my heart and soul danced a jig screaming, “I kissed her I kissed her, I am so awesome. Who’s a bitch now?”
Before the sun completely took the day with it, we got back onto the dirt bike and headed into the forest. She held on so tightly to me as she buried her face into my back. I could feel her smiling and in turn, it made me smile. The night wrapped its arms around the world and we were glowing in it. Our first kiss and I will remember this moment of my life forever.
Illusions
When you told me you loved me, I fluttered to you as a hummingbird to the nectar of its first flower of the season.
You lured me in with your false words of affection and I nested in the comfort of the thoughts that you seeded within my mind.
Although I am a man, my heart is as fragile as an ancient stained glass window, and my mind can be fooled as easily as a child to a trickster.
Eight long years I've waited for those words from you. You said them with such assure-it, such affection that my soul's glow could be seen through my eyes. You fed me natures' fruit from the knowledge of good and evil with your delicate hands, and I ate well beyond my limit, always asking for seconds.
My heart had over flown with love and peace. I could feel the jealousy of God, for I placed you higher, in my heart, than anything I had ever known.
Like a mediocre fool, I had given hopeťthe benefit of the doubt once again. This time I have truly perfected the arts of failure by sacrificing everything I am to a master of magicians.
My immature emotions carried me into dark waters where an unlit lighthouse promised to guide me safely to the fruits of a new world.
I swam in my sea of beauty only to awaken to the edge of the world, where the beauty fell and crashed into a stonewall of nothingness when you simply called me a "friend".ť
